Style Invitational Week 1204: At least ... Comfort (or ‘comfort’) a Never-Trumper with a silver lining; plus winning cynical definitions (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Entertainment December 1 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning 12-word “Devil’s Dictionary”-style entries) *— Melania won’t be nagging you to eat your vegetables.* *— The “Hamilton” cast won’t have to come all the way down to the White House Blue Room anymore. * *— The Trump Library won’t take up very much space. * *— There’s at least a chance we won’t keep hearing about her damn emails.* If you win, you get Abraham Lincoln. If you finish second, you get him. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post ) REPORT FROM WEEK 1202: In Week 1202 we asked for song parodies that expressed some kind of hope. If you’ve been in a funk since Nov. 8 but aren’t the lyrical type (or even if you are) — or if you /are / happy with the election results but would like to buck up a funk-dweller: *Note some good news for the coming year to comfort — or “comfort” — those who are depressed about the change of presidential administration. * *Submit entries at this website: bit.ly/enter-invite-1204 * (all lowercase). Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial , the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a hefty-feeling eight-inch-tall Donald Trump bobblehead from RoyalBobbles.com, the same company that sold us our extremely limited edition (just 19 left!) Bobble-Linc. It’s a pretty good if too svelte likeness of the president-elect except for the uncharacteristic closed mouth (and single chin). Donated by Loser Dave Prevar. *Other runners-up *win their choice of the yearned-for “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” Loser mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude” or “Falling Jest Short.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 12; results published Jan. 1 (online Dec. 29). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline “Maledictionary” was suggested by Kevin Dopart; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jon Gearhart. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *MALEDICTIONARY: THE CYNICAL DEFINITIONS FROM WEEK 1200* Flailing around in search of /some/ tie-in for *Week 1200, * the Empress trotted out a recurring contest in which we ask for wry, cynical “Devil’s Dictionary”-type definitions of words or expressions; the catch was that the term plus the definition had to consist of exactly 12 words (two words connected with a hyphen counted as two). 4th place *Mythology:* Religions no one will get angry that you call mythology anymore. (Daniel Galef, Montclair, N.J.) 3rd place *A nail-biter:* The first 30 seconds of a Cleveland Browns game. (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.) 2nd place and the ski mask with curly tentacles under the eyeholes : *Promises:* These need to be made frequently, since they don’t keep well. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: *Sex: *Something to do during the lame sketches on “Saturday Night Live.” (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.) The twelves of nether: honorable mentions *“Eat your vegetables”: *Phrase uttered before finding spinach dangling from dog’s mouth. (Hildy Zampella) *Hands:* In a severed country, the man with tiny ones is king. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) *Negligee:* Sleepwear for times you expect to neither sleep nor wear it. (Kevin Dopart) *Reality TV:* How people genuinely act while performing scripted stunts on camera. (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.) *Telephone:* A retro app that some people actually use on their phones. (Daniel Galef) *Hoi polloi:* If you have to ask, you’re surely one of them. (Cindi Rae Caron, Blowing Rock, N.C.) *“Believe me”:* A lie has just been told, or shortly will be. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) *“Make America great again”:* Fill in the blank with your chosen prejudice. (William Kennard, Arlington) *“With all due respect”:* “Prepare, as I snort in your general direction.” (Gigi Thompson Jarvis, McLean, Va., a First Offender) *“My bad”:* “I’m scoring points by flippantly admitting that I messed up.” (Neal Starkman, Seattle) *“Locker room talk”: *A terrible defense used to cover a terrible offense. (Jesse Frankovich) *“Use at own risk”:* “Legal team made us write this. Have fun!”(Nathanael Dewhurst, Lynn, Mass.) *Ego trip: *The belief that people worship the water you walk on. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) *Bar:* A place characterized by raising of glasses and lowering of morals. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) *Good old days: *When we could afford two spaces after a period. (Mary Kappus, Washington) ** *Bridgegate:* The story of how clogged arteries caused a fat politician’s demise. (Dave Airozo) *Buyer’s remorse: *Coming to a neighborhood near you on January twenty-first. (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.) *Cialis:* You want something to happen? Get in the same bathtub, dummy! (Hildy Zampella) *“Drain the swamp”:* Get rid of those who don’t look like you. (Mae Scanlan, Washington) *Cubs:* A team that has managed to disappoint its most masochistic fans. (Gary Crockett) *Dieter: *Someone who counts the calories in what everyone else is eating. (Chris Doyle) *Diplomacy:* The art and practice of committing international extortion without obvious hostility. (Kevin Dopart) *Election:* A quadrennial event that one is tempted to elect to shun. (Douglas Raybeck, Amherst, Mass.) *Electoral college: *Designed over 200 years ago specifically to defeat your candidate. (Jerry Birchmore, Springfield, Va.) *Empty-nesters:* Parents who fear their chickens may come home to roost. (Chris Doyle) *Exercise bike:* An oddly shaped coat rack usually found in basement corners. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) *Fine print at the bottom: *An anagram of “Often the important bit.” (Jesse Frankovich) *Grace: *The ability to wish a scoundrel well while gritting your teeth. (Roy Ashley, Washington) *Mike Pence:* A politician who willingly hitched his wagon to a tsar. (Kevin Dopart) *Pollster:* An oracle who has swapped entrails for numbers, with similar accuracy. (James W. Hertsch III, Fairfax) *Roller coaster:* A carnival ride to help you relax after the election. (Mary Kappus) *Sinkhole:* When God decides a vacation home in Florida needs a basement. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) *Subway:* Mass transit technology that is rumored to work in other cities. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) *Supermoon:* No prettier than other hardworking moons, but better lit and publicized. (Melissa Balmain) *Tim Kaine:* Someone whose favorite expression is “Don’t quit your day job.” (Hildy Zampella) *Tootsie Roll:* Food that, when chewed, helpfully removes old, worn-out fillings. (Duncan Stevens) *Understudy:* An actor who /means /“break a leg” when he says it. (Kevin Dopart) *Veterinarian:* A sort of magician who pulls things out of a rabbit. (Daniel Galef) *Voter:* One who studiously gathers all available misinformation about candidates for office. (Duncan Stevens) *Voters:* People with their middle fingers on the pols of the nation. (Chris Doyle) *Loser:* A person who succeeds at a pursuit you deem insufficiently worthwhile. (Tom Witte) *Style Invitational:* Contest used to prove who has the most free time. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) *Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 5: two simultaneous contests! * *Week 1202,* song parodies containing some lyrics about hope: bit.ly/invite1202 *Week 1203,* what you would do with any of several magical powers: bit.ly/invite1203